how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
