dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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