Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
