I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize