i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come see our sink grown plant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
