Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
