I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize