I like my sex mixed with concussions.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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