you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
