Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize