mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
