I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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