Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
