I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
