my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
