that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
