i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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