it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think brook has ever known best
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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