I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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