If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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