You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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