...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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