I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
