hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
