my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
