Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
