So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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