It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
