Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
