i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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