When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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