OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
