dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
