I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
