he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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