apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
