i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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