I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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