hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize