That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
