I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
