I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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