I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
