I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I smell stomach acid.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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