I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
