so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
