so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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