Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
