JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
whose parrot is this?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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