Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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