First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize