I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i permit you to call me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
