dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
