Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
