I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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