I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize