i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
