hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
