I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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