i think my tv is drunk
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
