Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
