look no pants
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
