so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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