AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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