Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
