1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
