apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And then he peed in my hair
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
