She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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