So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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