Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
