Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
