If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
