Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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