I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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