My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
