I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
