so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
