he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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