I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
