I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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