Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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