Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
