i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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