May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Congratulations! We have a period
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