When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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