If that was your dad, he is hot
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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