I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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