Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
