So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
