And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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