Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
