Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
