capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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