If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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