i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize