I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
